Author’s Note: I’m going to preface this one by saying that, while this is not explicitly erotica, it’s not entirely SFW. I do explore the similarities between porn and erotica with a few personal things thrown in. It may not be for you, so proceed with caution and an open mind.
This question comes up a lot, especially if you are around social media often. People will throw this out, generally arguing in bad faith, and then they expect that people are just going to roll over and agree with them.
But, why argue at all? What’s the point of it? Well, let’s look at the argument.
On the one hand, you get people (mostly women, if I’m being genuine) who like to argue that erotica (ie writings/books/etc.) is not the same thing or not as bad as porn. Why do they argue this? Well, there are many reasons.
Some don’t like to admit that they also like porn, and books feel like a tamer way of getting the same thing. Not dissing anyone who actually doesn’t like porn, it’s personal preference. But some are trying to justify what they do while belittling what their partners do, as if they aren’t the same thing. I’ll get to this point in a second. They try to say, well this is a story, and that’s you watching some chick get railed, it’s not the same.
But isn’t it?
At the end of the day, they are both fantasies, driven through different mediums. Sure, there are problems with porn. I won’t dive into the ethical treatment of the actors/actresses who perform it, or the wage disparity in the industry, or the lack of representation, safe spaces, or outright misogyny that runs rampant in the industry. But if you overlook all of that, and I’m not saying that you should, they are the same but different.
One captures our feelings and sexual desires through words meant to elicit certain experiences when we read them. I’m probably in the minority when I say I read erotica not to get off, per se, but instead to feel what I’m reading through the words on the page. Stories play out in my mind like a video, and it takes a lot less for me to get what I need, if you get what I’m throwing down. But I’m still seeking something from it, right? Even if I’m not masturbating to it and getting off while reading it, those thoughts and feelings are still there. That’s sort of the point of the story. I wouldn’t be reading it if I didn’t want my engine revved up and my body responding to what the characters are doing. I love the story as much as I love the explicit, sexy bits. I thrive on it.
And that’s the same reason we watch porn, right? It’s just a visual representation of the same thing. The only difference is these are actors, playing out characters, and enacting sexual fantasies and desires that get my parts going. The fact that it’s visual instead of written doesn’t make any difference. It’s just another way to consume the media. Sure, by the very nature of porn, it’s limited in its viewing capabilities where the same isn’t necessarily the case for erotica. And sure, most of it isn’t a ‘story’ played out with a ton of sex added in, but some of it is. And even if there isn’t a story, there are still other elements there usually.
And that doesn't make one bad and the other superior. It just makes them different means to the same end. Whether I’m watching it or reading it, I’m still consuming the media with a specific goal or intention in mind. I’d even go so far as to say people who scoff at porn the way they do don’t understand that there is more than one kind and there are many ways to watch it. If the idea of your partner watching something to get themselves off turns you off so much, why not watch it with them and see what happens? Why not engage in the activity instead of turning your nose up at it and pretending like you don’t like sex just as much as they do.
I’ll go so far as to say that if you don’t want your partner watching porn but would be offended if they asked you to stop reading it for the same reasons you spout, then maybe you should take a look in the mirror. They really aren’t that different when you pick it apart. Maybe your justification isn’t as high and mighty as you think it is, and you are consuming porn in a different format.
Do not judge others lest ye be judged, or whatever that book says.
And don’t get your panties in a wad. If you don’t like porn and you don’t consume erotica or spicy romance, this argument isn’t for you in the first place.
It’s fine if you don’t like porn. You’re allowed. Just don’t tell someone else they can’t enjoy it while you’re rubbing your thighs together at night, trying not to get off to the filthy smut you read in bed. I’m not judging. I read it too. Often and proudly. But I also watch porn, and I don’t see much difference between them other than the format they are consumed in. Sure, I prefer erotica, letting those images play out in my mind and helping me feel the things I do. But I also do not fault or condemn anyone who watches porn. It would be hypocritical of me to do so.
Maybe think about that before you tie yourself in knots trying to justify something that shouldn’t be an argument to begin with. Food for thought.
Did this resonate with you? What are your thoughts on the two? Are they really so different that we should look to one over the other as a more acceptable format? I don’t think so, but I’d love to hear your thoughts.
